This weekend my girlfriend and I attended a bachelorette party of one of her friends which involved going to a club, a very stereotypical straight club full of dude bros. My girlfriend and I understood that the club wasn’t designed to cater to us, but we couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable when overly aggressive men tried to hit on us or try to touch us. I know I’m not a club person in general, but I have no idea how this type of setting would be appealing to anyone.
For me, one of the most frustrating parts of the night was knowing that there really aren’t that many spaces for my girlfriend and I to go and dance and not be a harassed by men who ‘accidentally’ grab my ass . The city that we live in doesn’t have many LGBT specific safe spaces, and the number that is specifically for lesbians is minuscule.
Why is it so difficult for us to have safe spaces? And, for those of us who work in the non-profits, finding a safe space within our sector, organization, or country could be near impossible. There aren’t that many safe spaces online either (that’s why I started this blog in the first place). It’s frustrating that there are so few spaces outside of our apartment that I feel safe talking about my girlfriend, holding her hand, or being able to dance with her. I should be able to talk about her on my organization’s trips or in other situations where people get to casually mention their heterosexual significant other. It’s frustrating and it’s saddening. Denying my orientation and denying my girlfriend are two very big parts of myself,I always feel like I have to pretend I’m someone I’m not .
I want there to be club where I can dance with my girlfriend. I want to travel the world and tell everyone how amazing she is. I want to not be afraid of mentioning her or looking ‘too gay’ when I talk to donors or constituents.
For now, I hope that this blog can serve as that, and hopefully we can work towards more safe spaces online and offline, and having fun and working within the organizations we feel so passionately about.
I want all of us gay humanitarians to be able to band together, and at least create a space online where we can be safe, and be ourselves.